We Are Not Stalkers
by LittleLobsterLocks
Summary: Hungary, Japan, Belarus, Liechtenstein, are the Heta-Yaoi-Fanclub. One day, Greece is invited. People start popping up on their mission and there is romance out the wazoo. PruHun, GiriPan, SwitzLiech, One-sided RusBel, and a ton of others. Oh! And France is in it. That France is a... nevermind. Not so Nice. Yaoi. Hetero. Pairings everywhere. Just read it. I know you want to. *Wink*
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I feel really good about this story; okay… to be honest I have no idea where I want this to go. That is why have lovely reviewers and friends, right? Oh, this takes place in the future. In the bottom, I'll explain any "Historical events" that are mentioned in the story.**

**Anyway, I hope this is cool.**

**Yaoi: Don't like, don't read. Actually, if you don't read it, I will come round to your house and ****give you figgy pudding**** tie you to a chair and have "Story time".**

**It will be delightful.**

**So read up, my lovely dandelions, or I will turn you to coffee. **

**-0-How do you do the line break thingy? This will do for now.-0-**

**Elizaveta:**

I fell from the tree, the branch making a large CRACK sound.

"Kiku!" I yelped. The Japanese man reached for my hand. "No! Get the picture!"

"Eliza-senpai." he nodded. "I will."

Pause: Alright, now you reader people. Kiku did just use a male honorific. It just hasn't grown yet, don't listen to Gilbert, he calls me a girl, but I know I'm a boy. Humph.

Play.

My head cracked against the ground.

Well, it would have, if my cute little friend Lilli weren't there.

I breathed a deep sigh. "Thank god, Lilli. You are a literal lifesaver."

Lilli had grown up a lot since her brother let her free. She comes from the country of Liechtenstein, now fully dependant on herself. She still loves her brother, but now she's a strong independent woman.

"No problem." I'll be here all night.

"Funny."

I looked to our crew. Natalya whimpered. "How come you never let me on any missions with Ivan and Yao?"

Everyone turned and stared at her. "Last time we did, Yao ended up in a hospital and Ivan cried for three days straight. Also, Ivan is your brother. You don't need to be all up in his business." I explained.

"But-" she started.

"No!" everyone said simultaneously.

"Oh, I forgot Role Call. Lilli Zwingli?" Kiku started.

"Here,"

"Natalya Arlovskaya?"

"Do you really need to ask?"

"Yes. Eliza-senpai?"

"I'm here."

"Honda Kiku? Oh, I'm here."

Kiku blushed at the last name. "Heracles Karpusi?"

"Hm? Oh, I'm here."

"Yeah, that's… yeah." Kiku checked the name off the list.

"We're all here."Kiku nodded to Lilli, who took the clipboard to the van. Yeah, we've got a van.

"All right, briefing time." I stood in front of the rest.

Kiku whispered in my ear. "Why is Heracles here?"

"I thought he'd be nice to be around, is there a problem, Honda?" I was in my commander mode. When I'm in commander mode, I do not mess around. You should have seen me when I beat up Gilbert for that Roderich guy.

"No, senpai." both Kiku and Heracles blushed.

"Good, alright. We have another Alfred and Arthur thing tonight. As you can see, I just fell out of the best tree for viewing them," I rubbed my sore bum. "And the biggest branch finally gave way. So we need a new viewing spot. Scope the house and report to me if you find anything." My crew nodded and put their hands in the center of us. I did the same.

"Heta-Yaoi-Fan-Club, break!" We threw our hands into the air, laughing. "We totally need to change our name." Lilli said.

Belarus suggested, "ILOVETALLANDSMEXYRUSSIANBROTHERS Club?"

"No" anonymous decision.

"Fire Death Team? I got it from my friend Ludwig." Kiku added.

"Nah, doesn't sound like us." Natalya murmured.

**Hey, Characters, why don't we ask the readers? (I don't need quotation marks, I'm the author. I'm Awesome!)**

"That sounds nice." I said.

**Great! Readers, my loving and dependable friends. I need a team name for our Yaoi loving friends. Hint hint: they don't only love Yaoi, but hey, I do. Free One shot for best name. And OC appearances for first place, second, and third. (If there are that many.) Now, I gotta fix the fourth wall that I shattered, (with my death scythe.)**

"Ahem, I feel like someone interrupted us." Kiku said.

Heracles stood, "It was Natalya, she was murmuring about Ivan." Natalya gave him a death glare.

"It wasn't me, but for the sake of the unspeakable author, I'll take blame." Natalya sighed.

I laughed. Commander mode off, fangirlish me, well, it's always on.

"Crew, disperse."

**Kiku:**

Heracles was paired with me.

Well, we weren't really paired off, but he came with me.

Ever since he helped me get over my speech impediment (I couldn't pronounce my "L"s, silly, huh?) he's been really nice and has been kind of close.

"Hey, Kiki." I heard his godly voice smile the words.

"Um, Heracles-senpai, my name is Kiku, not Kiki."

He laughed. "I know. But Kiki is a cute cat name, yeah?" I smiled.

"I guess. I like cats." I whispered. "Um, wait, I didn't say that! I'm manly. I'm not kawaii, I'm manly as fuck." I flexed my "muscles" for emphasis.

"Kiku, you said a bad word. For some people they won't be able to read it. It's going to come out as two asterisks."

"Oh, I meant 'I'm manly as rice.'"

"That's good. I like cats though. I guess that makes me the uke of our relationship."

I stopped. I face palmed.

"Heracles, you would obviously be the seme, have you seen my girlish figure? Alfred thinks I look like a girl from behind. Good Japanese term though. I bet Eliza-senpai taught you that."

"Yes. But you said you were manly, and you-" he frowned, upset, "-said you don't like cats." He appeared furious. I think he really likes cats.

"No, I lied, I really love cats. Cats are the bestest."

"Whoa, you used a made-up word to describe them. You really do like them." We smiled together.

Something rustled in the bushes. "Hey, Japy!"

"Oh, hello Sadik." I smiled to my friend.

Heracles frowned. "Hey, Sadie."

"Aww, Brosef, you know that isn't my name." Sadik frowned right at him.

You see, in really ancient times, Grecians (which Heracles is Greek) had a big war with the Turks (which Sadik is Turkish), at that time known as the Persians, in the Persian wars. So they take history pretty seriously at our school, Hetalia High. They hate each other.

Sadik smiled. "Hey, Japy. I'm your best friend, yeah?"

"No! I am! Kiku totally digs my sexy cat ears!"

Both Sadik and I stared at him. "What cat ears?"

"These," he pulls something orange from his pocket and puts it on his head. "Aren't they 'kawaii'?"

"Well, Japy thinks my mask is hipster chic." he tapped the mask that donned his face.

"Dude, why do you wear that?" Heracles pondered.

"Uh, why not?"

"Well, why do you call me 'Japy'?" I asked quietly.

"Well, you're Japanese! Thus, Japy was born."

"Isn't that racist?" Heracles butted in.

"Yeah, but Japy doesn't mind. Right?"

"Hey, Heracles. Look, Alfred and Arthur are watching a movie." I pointed to the window. I had found a decent spot. This was going to Eliza-senpai.

"Oh! It's Disney's Hercules. I love that movie."

"I hate that movie." Sadik butted in.

"Both of you, It's Captain America. It has nothing to do with Hercules." I reasoned.

"Oh, that movie's co- WHAT! WHY ARE THEY MAKING OUT?!" Sadik yelled.

"Sadik, get down! You'll distract them! Heracles, hand me the size 11 lens." I clipped it to my camera.

I snapped a hundred and forty-two pictures in consecutive order.

"What are you doing?" Sadik blurted.

Heracles covered his mouth with his hand and found a gag. Eliza-senpai had taught him well.

"I'm getting out of here. You guys are nuts." Sadik turned to me and gave me a hug goodbye. I felt his hand reach into my pocket. I was sure I was blushing and I'm sure I looked redder than one of those tomatoes that Lovino boy eats all the time.

He then ran away, Heracles' tongue sticking after him.

I reached into my rear pocket. I pulled out a slip of paper with the words:

Sadik

(###)###-####

**I'm too lazy to put real numbers, pretend it's your own or whatever.**

I threw the paper in the bush. I liked Sadik, but not like that. (**Sorry TurkeyxJapan fans**)

"Are you ready, Heracles?" I asked. Even with Sadik's outburst, Alfred and Arthur haven't stopped kissing.

I snapped one last picture, and then we ran off to where Eliza-senpai said she would be.

Little did I know, I was holding hands with Heracles.

**Lilli:**

I think I broke my wrist when I saved Lizzy.

"Hey, Natalya? I'm going to the van to get a first aid kit. I think I hurt my hand." The Belarusian girl nodded and continued taking notes. With a pen that looks like a knife? Weird.

I walked down the path. Wow, Alfred really needs some security. He probably thinks he, "The Hero", can handle any problem. Dork.

Ever since I've grown up, boys have been looking at me funny. That Sealand-ish kid has backed off. I think he's dating that Raivis boy from Latvia. Speaking of that Latvia kid, I remember when he used to have brothers, then Lithuania and Estonia were forced to become a part of Latvia and they ran away from home.

Raivis kind of became a big, creepy weirdo like that Ivan guy. I can't say anything about it because Natalya used to be close friends with the Lithuanian boy, Toris.

Toris liked a Pole though.

Not a pole, like the big metal cylindrical things, but a gender confused person from Poland. I think it was a girl, but… I'm not exactly sure. Her name was Feliks.

I reached the van and pulled the door open. My elder brother hopped out.

"Ah! Bruder?" I yelped.

"Ja, hold it down, 'kay?" He held his soft hand to my mouth. "I just want to say, 'Happy Birthday.'" I looked at him.

I forgot my own birthday? Wow, I need a calendar. I also need to remember not to ask Francis for one. I'd end up being married to him. Ew.

He laughed a soft laugh. "I bet you forgot it, didn't you?"

I solemnly nodded. I was clutching my hand.

"Hey, Li, are you okay?" he asked. I frowned.

"No, Vash. I think I broke my wrist."

"Here," he caressed the wound and asked me where the first aid was. I pointed to the red bag with my good hand.

He likes the first aid symbol. He says it makes him think of home. The Swiss flag or whatever.

"It's just a sprain, but you should be careful. I'll wrap it, then you can go back to what you were doing. What are you doing? At Alfred's house? In a van. Li, what are you doing?"

His face, full of concern.

"Nothing, I'm hanging out with Natalya. she lives nearby and I wanted to get something from her van for her."

I grabbed something random, "This."

"Li, you don't have to lie to me."

"I really am hanging out with Natalya."

"Yes, that may be so, but that's your diary from when you lived with me. Are you giving it to her?"

I blushed. I never let anyone see it. He caught my bluff.

I needed to change the topic.

"Do you still have those pajamas I made you?"

"Ja, I see you still have the ribbon."

"I do."

I wear it different nowadays. I pull my slightly longer hair back in a ponytail. The vibrant purple ribbon is my favorite thing.

"I miss you, Lilli. I've never not thought about you. I love you." His words blossomed in my heart.

"I know you found me on the street. I know we aren't really siblings."

He nodded, his face coming close to mine.

To be honest we were really only had one year age difference.

I kissed my brother.

I pulled back, blushing.

"I'm sorry, I… I have to go." I dropped the diary into my purse.

He nodded and ran out of the van, into his shiny red car.

"Bye, Li. I hope I can see you again soon." he called out to me.

I walked back to Natalya, my face redder than that Lovi kid's tomatoes.

"So, is my little Lilli incestuous now? Join the club. I'm trying to convert those Germans, Ludwig and Gilbert. They think I'm weird…" (**Germancest, No. NO. NO. No. No. NO. No. NNNNOOOO. No. Go home Belarus. No. NOOOOO. No. NO.**)

She went on about incest for hours.

I just sat on the porch with my hands around my diary, blushing and thinking of Vash.

**Arthur:**

FLASH!

"Alfred, what was that?" I pulled back from the kiss.

"Who cares? I'm making out to a boy on my couch, to Captain America."

"We do this every day."

"Yes, but… um…"

"Exactly, you want to check out the strange flashes?"

"Fine, I am the Hero."

"Good."

**Natalya:**

I opened my cell phone, I expertise in cell phone pictures. I held it to the window.

Alfred and Arthur were gone.

I texted Lizzy.

**Nat: **Hey, Al and Art are not in the living room.

**Liz**: Yea. Let me hear the audio.

**Nat**: U got AUDIO?

**Liz**: What kind of fangirl wud I b w/out audio?

**Nat**: I guess…

**Liz**: Not 1, that's what.

**Nat**: Cool.

**Liz**: Yea.

**Liz**: Get OUT OF THERE!

**Nat**: What?

**Liz**: Ther comin out!

**Nat**: of the closet?

**Liz**: OF THE HOUSE!

**Lilli**: Hey, Nat. Where'd they go?

**Nat**: They're coming out.

**Lilli**: Of the closet?

**Nat**: The House!

**Lilli**: Ah!

**Kiku**: Nat? Where are they?

**Nat**: They are coming out.

**Nat**: Of the house, not the closet.

**Kiku**: Oh. I've got Heracles. Meet the van?

**Nat:** Yeah. See you.

**Alfred:**

"See, No one. We're all good."

I patted Iggy's back.

"We're all good?" Iggy asked.

"Of, course." I pulled in for a quick kiss.

A bright flash came from a van across the street.

I bet it's just my "Love Spark" for Iggy.

Yeah. I'm the hero.

**Elizaveta:**

"Mission, success."

I loaded the images onto the computer.

"Natalya, you got no pictures of Alfred and Arthur!"

"Yeah, my pictures are much more interesting."

I sifted through them.

Natalya hooked up my laptop to the television setup we had. Her pictures flew across the screen.

"What are these?" Kiku asked.

"Well this one is you and Heracles talking to that Turkish boy. And this one is you with the Turkish boy's hand in your pocket. And this is you throwing away whatever he gave you." Kiku's face turned redder than, well-

**LOVINO"S TOMATO! WE GET IT!**

Sorry, Heracles grin stretched from ear to ear, proud of the little Japanese boy.

"And this is you two running to Lizzy, holding hands."

"Natalya, what happened to Arthur and Alfred?!" Kiku shouted. He hardly ever goes over a whisper. Heracles was grinning like an idiot.

"I chose a more interesting topic. See, look at this." She took over my laptop, I let her. This was indeed, interesting.

"This is Lilli, she sprained her wrist when she caught you, Lizzy."

"Oh! Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"She got fixed up real good, by none other but Vash Zwingli!"

"Lilli! I thought you hated him! Independent Woman now!"

"…"

"Here she is, surprised by his sudden appearance. We need to lock the van, by the way. And here she is, making some BS story for why she's here. Here she is, getting caught. See that? It's her diary. And, wait for it, KISS! My little incest apprentice!"

"Lilli? Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she sniffed. "I'm fine. I'm actually happy. I like seeing my picture. I look nice."

She whispered something, it sounded like, "Vash looks better." But I didn't catch it.

"Oh, but here's the best. Guess who came by Lizzy?"

I froze. "No, Natalya. Turn it off."

"GILBERT!"

-0-End of Chapter One-0-

**I did it! It is awesome! It's crazy long too.**

**It took me two hours to write. Maybe three.**

**Shout outs: Thank you to TimelessNight for giving me a good friendship. I'll send you the cover sometime this summer, I promise.**

**Thank you to GlitterTrails for entertaining me with your Toolbelt/Magic 8 Ball guided stories. (seriously, check them out!)**

**Thank you to VampirePaladin for attempting a fanfiction trade with me. I'm just not teamwork. I really don't know what to do. I've tried a million times, but just can't get it. Sorry. I'm trying. I hope you are patient. Karpusi Cat Clinic is Awesome.**

**Pozagee, let me have your Hetalia belt. (Read The Hetalia Belt. It rocks)**

**JacksonHanning, I demand you to communicate with me! You too SarahTonin! And you need to update Anything and Everything Awesome.**

**Thank you to the authors of Swapped (UsxUk) and Boy Like You (another UsxUk) for finishing your stories, but I am also sad they are over.**

**Thank you for any reviewers and readers. If I get enough reviews, I'll share Elizaveta's experience with Gilbert. I'll also take requests for the pairing they ****stalk**** examine next. If you chat with me, you can get your name in the shout outs next chapter. *hint hint nudge nudge***

**My Crazy History:**

**2014 A.D. – World War Three between North Korea and the rest of the world. (I'm Canadian. Yay!)**

**2134 A.D. - Liechtenstein no longer wants to be dependent on Switzerland for government and military.**

**2135 A.D. - Lichtenstein asks help from the Nordic Countries (Including Sealand, which is an Empire [it took over Greenland and part of Iceland]) to get freedom from Switzerland, which is only holding on to protect it.**

**2146 A.D. - War ends, Neutrality in Switzerland is only broken if Liechtenstein is concerned. Liechtenstein wins.**

**2148 A.D. – Liechtenstein wants more land. Fights Switzerland. Queen Slovic beats the Swiss President (because Switzerland becomes a Democracy in 2034 A.D.)**

**2234 A.D. – Liechtenstein completely overthrows Switzerland.**

**2278 A.D. – Lichtenstein divides into Provinces, and Switzerland is allowed the largest Province. Switzerland and Liechtenstein are the same size now.**

**2500 A.D. – This story takes place. No futuristic-y things. World War three kind of decimated the planet, but it took us a while to get electric things back. It's kind of the things we have now (2013).**

**Okay, over three thousand words! Aww yeeeaah.**

**-Loolie**

**P.S. Stay thirsty, mein AWESOME friends. (Prussia is, the most obnoxious man in the world.)[Kesesese, Dos Equis jokes]**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah! Chapter two. It is not as long as the last one, but I was crazy when I wrote that. Good thing I'm insane, yes?**

**Before we start, I never explained the whole Latvia thing.**

**2013 A.D. (Yeah, it's happening.) – Latvia breaks free of Russia's clasp, the Soviet Union is no longer the "glue".**

**2020- Latvia sees the big open land around them.**

**2021- Latvia (who has been developing an army in case Russia came back) sends an army out to Estonia.**

**2023- Estonia gives up and is overcome by Latvia. Estonia no longer exists.**

**2067- Latvia begins invasion of Lithuania, who has been preparing both the Lithuanian and Polish militaries.**

**2067- Latvia easily overcomes Lithuania, but is weakened by Poland. Lithuania no longer exists.**

**2068- Latvia is forced to split the land with Poland.**

**2500- Poland is still trying to gain military and government rights to Lithuania (to bring him back) but every time they try, Latvia beats them. Latvia is a super country now.**

**Okay, now I haven't let many reviews come in, (Hey Saiyanpelt!) but the name I have decided on is:**

**THE YAOI SPOTTING SPIES**

**or YSS for short. Thanks, it's a coolio name.**

**And I am going to explain the whole Gilbert-Hungary thing, let me just say, I am a PruCan lover. It's my favorite, and you probably want to read the actual story and this author's note is making you angry, but I will try PruHun. If you like AusHun, or PruAus, or PruCan (sister fist) then PM me, and if enough people don't like PruHun, I can change it. *Wink***

**-0-All right, if you skipped past the Author's note, this would be a good time to stop.-0-**

**Elizaveta:**

"Ha, ha ha ha." I laughed awkwardly. They didn't need to see what I did. I was certain I was blushing.

Natalya opened a new file on my laptop. It was marked PruHun.

"Why is it called PruHun?" Kiku asked, staring intently at the computer.

Natalya looked at him with a face that said, "Why not?" and merely pointed to the screen.

"Lizzy's Hungarian and Gilbert comes from the Prussian Empire in Canada."

"Oh, so… Lizzy was being romantic with Gilbert?"

"See for yourself."

She pulls up the file and puts it into display mode. There I was, looking awesome in a bush with binoculars. I need to get that picture and frame it. Natalya has a sweet camera.

"Here she is pulling up her audio jack, which is awesome by the way." she pointed to the screen. "And see that in the background?" she poked the dark landscape behind me.

"It's Gil." I blushed.

You could clearly see his pale white hair and red eyes.

My mind flashed back to that time.

**Elizaveta (back then):**

Kiku and Heracles just left me, reporting the supremeness of the back yard window.

I pulled the audio jack that I just bought up from the van to the side of the house and held it against the wall. I pulled the head phones over my ears and listened to the soft voices. My back was turned from the wall, fixing the volume and definition. My head phones picked up a soft noise. It sounded like…

Someone taking the jack off the wall.

I turned abruptly.

There stood a tall, lean figure, his stark white hair contrasting vibrantly with the dark of the night, his eyes, almost scarily red.

He was swinging my expensive audio jack around in circles.

"Hey!" I yelped, covering my own mouth.

"Sooo, Whatcha doin'?" His silky voice brushed against the air.

"Examining." I said matter-of-factly. "You don't need to be here."

"Really? Because I believe you owe me something."

"What?" I asked, not sure where this was going.

He clipped the jack back up to the wall. What concerned me was how well he did it. It made me think he has a few of his own.

"This," he cupped his hands around my face. His eyes closed and he leaned in.

I did the exact opposite; I opened mine and pulled out.

"Gilbert!" I shrieked.

His eyes opened. The red leaking with disappointment.

"Sorry, Liz." He rose, letting go of my face.

"What did I do that made you think you could do that?" I hissed.

"You kind of, umm… did _that_ with me."

I froze, furious. "WHEN?" I swore I was a virgin, last time I checked, I've never done _that_.

"At Francis's birthday a few months ago."

I stared at him.

"I was drunk."

"No! I made sure you didn't drink any alcohol like you told me to!"

"You let me drink the punch, didn't you?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"Gilbert, haven't you been to enough parties to know that at least one of you 'Bad Touch' psychos always spike the punch?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. So I owe you nothing. Wait. Does that mean you were sober?"

"Liz, it's me. I'm never sober."

"So I can still call myself a virgin?"

"Yeah, I won't care. I'm still one too then."

"Really?"

"Yeah, crazy right?"

"Yeah."

I turned and looked in his soft red eyes.

"Alfred and Arthur aren't, listen."

"What?"

"Put these on."

I handed him the head phones.

His eyes widened, then squinted, then teared up. "Liz, what is this?"

"Well, we're at Alfred's house. And Arthur's over."

"Oh, I better tell Francis his precious 'Angleterre' is taken."

"Isn't that French for 'England'?"

"Don't all of us seem to be very into countries?"

"Doesn't our whole group of friends seem to be a personified country?"

"Liz, don't be ridiculous. Personified countries? Really?"

"I know, silly of me."

"It's cool."

"Gil?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you still up for that kiss?"

"Yeah."

I leaned in and he did too. He closed his eyes first. I followed after him.

We kissed until I felt a buzz in my pocket.

I pulled back. "Thanks, you should go before one of my friends catches us." I whispered.

He winked and ran off back from where he came.

I checked my phone, sure enough, it was Natalya.

Nat: Hey, Al and Art are not in the living room.

I sent a short reply and hooked up the audio. The head phones smelled of Gilbert, I sighed.

""Alfred, what was that?" I heard from Arthur.

"Who cares? I'm making out to a boy on my couch, to Captain America."

"We do this every day."

I snickered.

"Yes, but… um…"

"Exactly, you want to check out the strange flashes?"

"Fine, I am the Hero."

"Good."

Oh god, they caught us.

I quickly texted Natalya, then ran to the van.

Everyone made it and we drove off.

I caught one last picture of a kiss.

"Oops, forgot the flash." I said as a flash went off.

**Heracles:**

I smiled as I saw the pictures. Good for Elizaveta and Lilli.

I smiled more at the pictures of me and Kiku. I looked over at the real Kiku, who was opening a can of tuna.

"Hey," I said. I was tired. I needed a nap**.**

Kiku looked at me and smiled. "Hey, Heracles-san."

All of the girls were flipping through the Alfred and Arthur pictures.

I leaned over to Kiku.

Kiku put the can down. It was uneaten.

I wondered why he wouldn't eat the opened tuna. I knew when a fluffy white cat and a sleek black and white one hopped up and started eating it.

"I didn't know we had cats." I said softly.

"Yes, I think they should be our mascots, but the YSS don't need mascots, according to Natalya."

"YSS?" I questioned.

"Oh, I think our team name should be the Yaoi Spotting Spies. YSS just has a nice ring."

"Yeah, it does. I like it."

"Thank you."

"Let's tell them later."

"Why?"

I pointed. "They aren't looking now."

"Why would that matter?"

"So I can do this."

I leaned in close.

**Natalya:**

They were totally making out behind me.

I held my phone at my side and turned off the flash. Rapid fire mode is turned on, and…

I now have pictures to upload later.

"This one's resolution is too bad, what do you think Natalya?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes." I nodded to Lilli.

Lizzy deleted the picture. "This one, half of Alfred's face is cut off."

"Yes, but look, Arthur's tongue is so far down his throat. Save it in the blackmail file, labeled Arthur." Lizzy thinks she's the queen of Fangirls?

Bitch please.

**Natalya. We have younger readers.**

Aww, are they cute?

**Yes.**

Then let me try it over.

Ahem.

Lizzy, please.

**Better. I'll give you a surprise later.**

Yay!

Anyway, I sorted through the rest and laughed as I heard Kiku scramble away from Heracles.

**Kiku:**

I kissed him! I kissed the most wonderful boy in the world. I KISSED HIM IN A VAN!

Oh, Buddha.

I sure as heck hope Natalya didn't notice. It's like she notices everything.

Natalya totally noticed. I scrambled away and I swear I could hear her snicker.

Heracles and I cleaned the spilled tuna that I knocked over in my haste to pull back.

Heracles' lips were like butter.

Soft perfect butter.

Squee.

Heracles pulled up and kissed the top of my head.

I was redder than-

**Don't say Lovino's tomato. That is only good for Spamano fanfictions.**

-a pickled plum?

**Good.**

I was redder than a pickled plum.

**-0-End of Chapter Two-0-**

**I like this chapter. There was a lot of kissing. Sorry there wasn't much Lilli.**

**Anyway, History Time! (I like this. It makes me feel all… CONTROLLING.)**

**Audio Jacks (not the kind for plugging in your iPod): Invented by the Canadians in 2021. For spying purposes. Hook up to the wall. Kind of looks like a funnel connected to a pair of headphones with a control panel.**

**2135: Canada is noticed by America. Only, just a little too late. America is overcome by Canada.**

**2184: New Prussia becomes more than just a rock.**

**2184: Prussia is now the size of Germany, just in Canada.**

**2367: Prussia-Canadian Peace Pact is created. If ever a war, Prussia and Canada will join forces and fight together. **

**History Lesson over.**

**I love you guys. Okay, Shout Outs:**

**Thank you to ladyaqua99 for the favorite and the follow.**

**Steampunk Marionette: Awesome. Just… You are the bestest.**

**Hey Saiyanpelt. GET AN ACCOUNT! I want to be your friend! I want to talk to you directly and not via a shout out!**

** .Awesome: Girl, you are kick ass. I don't care if that is a bad word. That's what you are.**

Hey, I thought we had cute young readers.

**NAT! I SAID I DIDN'T CARE!**

Okay. Fine. Hey I never got my Surprise!

**Fine. Next Chapter.**

**Next Chapter preview:**

**Natalya:**

I was ecstatic. Not all of the yaoi in the world could be better than this.

Big Brother was here.

**So yeah, Russia's coming.**

**So is Switzerland.**

**It's gonna be all Big Brother up in here.**

**Not that terrible show, but literal big brothers.**

**Until later my dear friends. Review for more.**

**-Loolie.**

**P.S. Tell your friends about this! I want readers/reviewers!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three! Go me! I'm Awesome!**

**Okay, special thanks to .Awesome for making me want to do the next chapter.**

**Alright, I think History's caught up so…**

**-0-LET'S START THE STORY! (Fast forward two weeks since the last chapter)-0-**

**Lilli:**

I wanted to see my big bro- I mean Vash. I missed him.

I haven't seen him since the Alfred-Arthur mission.

The stairs creaked as I walked up to Kiku's house. I hope he didn't mind if I showed up an hour early. We have a meeting today, those of us in the YSS.

Oh! Kiku came up with the name, the Yaoi Spotting Spies a while ago.

**Actually, it was Saiyanpelt.**

You're ruining the story.

**Sorry.**

It's cool.

So Kiku came up with the name.

Speaking of Kiku, he thinks no one has noticed, but he and Heracles have totally hooked up. They kiss every time we finish a mission, when they think we aren't looking.

I pulled the door open; I had a big heavy bag of cookies for the meeting. I bet Kiku wouldn't care; he doesn't have locks on his doors any way. The walls are made of paper. I wonder how he sleeps safely and comfortably without locks or proper walls.

I dropped the cookies on his kitchen counter.

The living room needed a cleanup and I bet Kiku was out in the bath washing himself, so I was going to be a good guest and clean up for him.

I threw away all of the empty tuna cans and sushi containers and the only thing left was a few kimonos. I took them into Kiku's bedroom.

-0-

I am never going into Kiku's house again. Never ever ever!

When I went into Kiku's room, guess who was there? Heracles! Heracles and Kiku! TOGETHER!

I mean, I knew they hooked up quickly, but… THEY'RE QUICK!

I think I'm still blushing. I mean, I'm happy for them. I just wasn't expecting that!

I pulled my cell phone out and put Lizzy's number into the call screen.

I almost hit send until I thought about it. What I really wanted was a hug, and ever since Natalya took those pictures of her and Gil, she's been kid of distant.

I typed in Natalya's number.

Well, Natalya's not big on displays of affection, public or not, unless it's with Ivan.

Ivan, what I needed was a big brother.

I called Vash.

"Vash?" I asked.

"Hmm?" A groggy voice questioned. "Oh, Lilli, hey."

I melted as he said my name.

"Can you come here? I need help."

"Sure, are you okay? Where are you?"

I had run away from Kiku's house. I looked at the sign.

"I'm in a place called Russia." Whoa, did I really run to a new country? Wait, isn't this where Ivan lived?

"Oh, Lilli, you are in serious danger! I'm coming, let me get some people."

"You're coming?"

"Yes, I'll be right there."

**Natalya:**

"WE'RE GOING TO RUSSIA?!" I shrieked at Lizzy. We were in my front lawn. The neighbors peeked their heads out.

"Yeah, Lilli's stuck there." Lizzy told me. "You, me, Vash, Roderich and," she paused, "Gilbert are going to save her."

"Big Brother's in Russia!"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. I bet that's why Vash sounded so scared. Crazy does run in your family."

"What did you say? I was day dreaming about Ivan."

"Oh, nothing. Pack a bag. We'll be 'examining" Ivan and Yao while we're there."

"I thought-"

"I know what you thought; you'll just have someone to watch you. Ever since you attacked Yao we've been short on Ivan-Yao pictures and I personally think they're cute."

I glared at her. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that for your sake."

"Thank god." She wiped her brow.

"Elizaveta!" a shrill girly voice cried.

I grinned, "Here comes Roderich." I whispered to Lizzy.

"Don't be mean, that was obviously a girl."

Roderich came running up to Lizzy. "Elizaveta, Vash called. I came as soon as I could."

I snickered and Lizzy blushed profusely.

"Yeah, I um… yes, Roderich. We're just waiting for Gilbert then we'll set off."

Lizzy turned to me and started laughing so hard I was afraid she was going to choke.

"Yeah, I know. Gilbert showing up on time? That's hilarious." Roderich said, not really getting what Lizzy was laughing at.

"Hey, no need to be rude. You're just jealous of my AWESOMENESS." A voice behind the three of them said.

"Gilbert!" Lizzy said, smiling like an idiot. Gilbert lazily walked out my front door.

"I came an hour ago."

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" I yelled. Nobody even questioned it.

"Hey Lizzy." he kissed her on both cheeks.

Both Roderich and I stared at them. "Gag me," we said simultaneously.

"Hey Nat." He waved to me then leaned forward.

"Kiss me and you will be dead."

He backed up. "Sorry, it's an Italian greeting, my brother's little boy toy taught me."

Lizzy laughed, "Feliciano would do anything to get cuddles and kisses, especially from Ludwig. I used to be his babysitter."

Roderich put his arm over Lizzy's shoulder.

Oh, did I mention that Roddy's dating Lizzy.

**No.**

Oh, well he is.

It drives Gilbert mad.

"Hey, Liz. How about we meet up in an hour? I have to pack some bags. Meet in… Oxford Hemmingway Park?" Gilbert asked, not caring about the death glares Roderich was giving him.

"Sure." she blushed.

Roderich opened his mouth to retort, but he caught me watching him with a look that I hope said, "Say anything and die" but most of my looks make me seem like "I'm thinking of stabbing you".

"I'll meet you later then," Roderich sighed.

Lizzy just nodded and danced off to her house.

Roderich looked at me.

"Am I making a failing attempt?" he asked. My heart burned with pity.

"Aww, poor baby. Here, to make her fall in love with you, do this," his eyes widened with joy. "Remove all large words from your vocabulary, dye your hair white, make your eyes red, and say 'awesome' every five words."

"Oh, yeah." His shoulders slumped.

I laughed and slammed the door in his face.

Now I have to pack. I was going to see big brother.

**(*Whispers* Belarus is a total B)**

What was that?

**NOTHING! Finish your part of the chapter.**

I slammed the suitcase on the ground (after hitting the author. ***Rubs head* "Ow…"**) and pulled open the front door.

I'm ready.

**Elizaveta:**

Gilbert totally kissed me! Like, twice!

Roderich? Who's that? Oh! Roderich, yeah.

I don't think Roderich is the one I love anymore. Just saying.

I packed my bag full of those slimming sweaters and jeans they had a huge sale on at the mall last week. "I bet Gilbert would like my butt in these." I dropped in an acid washed pair. "Gilbert likes this colour on me." I threw in a tight tee-shirt into the mix.

"I am never going to close this suitcase. It's overflowing." What didn't I pack? I looked into my closet.

A Hungarian military uniform and a green maid dress. Pssshht. I would never wear those.

My phone buzzed. I clicked it on and looked at the screen.

**Roddy**: I know you like to over pack. We're only going for three days. And hurry, Lilli needs us.

**Liz**: Yea yea, I'm comin. Did u no that I have a Hungary military uniform? And a satin green maid dress? Where did I get those?

**Roddy**: Elizaveta, the "maid dress" is from me. It's the prom dress I got you. For prom in two weeks? As for the uniform, you're on your own on that one.

**Liz**: Oh, yea. I remember.

**Roddy**: Fine, see you at the park.

**Liz**: C u

I pushed the huge suitcase out of the door. Now, off to the park.

-0- THIS IS AN AWESOME TIME SKIP -0-

Roderich insisted on sitting Shotgun next to Gilbert. Darn I was gonna sit there.

I sat in between Vash and Nat. Nat was incessantly texting or blogging or whatever she does. Vash was pulling his hair and rocking back and forth.

"Lilli's gonna die. She's gonna die. That 'Ivan' bastard is gonna get her. She's gonna die."

Vash was going nuts. I mean practically insane. At least someone *ahem* me, was nice enough to give Nat headphones so she couldn't hear the things Vash was saying about Ivan.

We finally arrived at Russia. God it was cold here.

(**Hey, Reader friends. I just blew my own mind. Get this; I just made Lichtenstein walk from the **_**ISLAND **_**of Japan to Russia. And then I made the others drive from some country to Russia in less than an hour. Brain… we are talking geography here. Pssshht. It's the future. Who cares?**)

**Vash:**

I ran out of the damned vehicle. "Lilli! ARE YOU DEAD? PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD!"

The snow crunched dreadfully as I ran around frantically.

"GILBERT! OPEN THE TRUNK!" I yelled, as I was running straight for the car. Gilbert quickly lifted the trunk's lid.

Three bundles wrapped in cloth lay beside each other in perfect lines. "My babies," I whispered as I stroked the largest one.

I quickly unwrapped the twine and burlap. I haven't used these since that small Italian man boy girl thing tried running in my front lawn.

I hugged my gun. My beautiful, precious, rifle.

"Hey, no guns! We haven't broken peace in fourteen years! Put the gun down." A thickly accented Russian mewled behind me.

I turned to him. "Hello, Ivan. I do hope you don't think I that stupid as to think you haven't broken peace."

"Ah, clever Swiss. I knew peace would be a tricky matter around you, considering you broke yours a few months ago."

I sneered. "We didn't break peace. We stopped jerks like you." I ran at him with the gun aimed at his head.

**Gilbert:**

Okay, so this is completely awesome. The guy is so crazy about his sister, that I think he's hallucinating. He started rolling in the snow, then came waddling towards the car shouting at me to open the trunk. I obeyed and he crawled into my trunk.

I stifled laughter while Elizaveta was pawing my back.

He sat there for five minutes in the fetal position, mumbling about guns, peace, and Ivan.

Oh, speaking of Ivan, here he comes now.

**Ivan:**

God, those strange people. I hate tourists. Yes! Okay, Poland military painted the Kremlin pink, but does every single human on Earth need a picture of it? (**Sorry, IRL Russians. I surely hope no one paints the Kremlin pink, it's beautiful now as is.**)

I looked and saw a tiny little girl crying on a bench. Perhaps she felt sad about the Kremlin as I do. I leaned down and patted her back.

Her green orbs skewered mine. "Touch me again. I _dare_ you." Gee, this one looked as though she would bite.

Oh, she must be from Lichtenstein, I hear they get feisty now.

Wait, this girl _was_ from Liechtenstein, it's that Vash guy's sister… Lilli or something.

"Lilli, right? I'm Ivan." I smiled a kind smile.

She frowned, but stood and took my hand. "It's cold. My brother is coming to pick me up, and knowing him, he'll have a rescue team." She checked her watch. "They should be here. Take me to the border of here and Latvia."

I was gleeful. Helping her is my duty. I brushed my hair from my face and straightened my scarf. "Will do."

I held her hand down the street.

**Vash:**

Lilli is probably worried sick!

**Lilli**:

This Ivan guy was being too cheerful. I here he's supposed to be creepy. Kind of like Nat. They are siblings.

I felt more in control of him than he was of me. I should be reunited with Vash soon.

We reached the top of the hill and I saw Gilbert's car.

**Natalya:**

I saw Big Brother and Lilli come from up the hill. I was ecstatic. Not all of the yaoi in the world could be better than this.

Big Brother was here.

I ran up to greet him, but he kind of just shoved Lilli at me and ran away.

Boo.

**Vash:**

Yeah… so… Lilli took me to get anxiety medications. I was… yeah.

-0- AUTHOR'S NOTE TIME! -0-

**This chapter started out okay, then my brain was all, "Let's fuck shit up." Soooo, yup.**

**Sorry. I'm just… Switzy, gimme some pills.**

No! Lilli gave them to me.

**Okay, then… Yup. I'm gonna go die in a pit now. Oh! And I'm proud to announce there is a plot twist coming up. I don't know when, but it's coming. Kay, love ya, bye.**

**-Lobster**

**History:**

**Sometime in the future Poland paints the Kremlin. I'm tired. This is what you get.**


End file.
